Between Cleaners and Cleanees

We moms spend a lot of time cleaning. The more children you have, the more cleaning - and it isn't just twice as much cleaning with two children. I suspect it's an exponential increase.

Today my neighbor's six year old daughter came the front door shortly after I'd attacked my kitchen floor with bleach water and a mop.

"Eww, your house smells like chlorine!" she said, wrinkling her nose.

Twenty minutes later, her mother came to my kitchen door. Just like in those Febreeze commercials, she poked her nose in for a good whiff. "Mmmm your house smells good!" she said.

An affection for the smell of chlorine...just one more way being a mom changes everything.

Just When We Thought We Had Him Figured Out

I still don't know what made Toby ask this question. We were sitting down to dinner and he just tossed it out, totally without context.

Toby: "Robbie, where do babies come from?"
Robbie: "Uh, from the hospital.....Bow Chicky Wow Wow!!"

If you can't imagine what "bow chicky wow wow" sounds like - it's a tune, not a phrase. It's supposed to sound like bad "romantic" background music one might hear in the soundtrack of a really low budget 70s movie. He learned this at some point from us - it's kind of a joke between Toby and I. We use it ironically - such as when we see something that is quite the opposite of romantic...time to start censoring our conversation more carefully.

This Would be Funnier if it Had Happened To Someone Else

First of all, if you're my parent or Toby's parent...just don't read this post. It has the potential for you to form mental pictures you don't need. Really. Just skip it.

This afternoon before nap time, I was running up and down the stairs bringing up baskets of clean laundry. The last time I brought up a basket, Robbie stayed upstairs. This is usually not a cause for alarm but after a few minutes of too much quiet, I called him downstairs. When he came down holding a shower head in his hand I had a moment of panic...but then I recalled we had a spare shower head under his bathroom sink.

"What else did you get out of your bathroom cupboards?" I asked.

"Nothing." and he batted his long eyelashes. Silly me for not pressing harder.

Twenty minutes later we headed back upstairs for stories and a nap. Our first stop was the little boys' room.

"Look mom!" He said after climbing onto the toilet, very proud of himself. He pointed to the mirror. There was white glob smeared all over it.

"What is....?" I started to ask and then I saw it. A small white jar of...well...mint chocolate flavored "body topping". He had apparently made use of his time alone upstairs to scour our nightstands and came away with this prize. He obviously hustled it back to his bathroom where he promptly decided, possibly because of the minty flavor, that it was a kind of toothpaste.

His toothbrush was doused in it. The mirror was smeared with great globs of it. The jar itself was nearly empty and what was left had been covered with water from the faucet.

I sent him to his room while I cleaned it up. The whole time he was crying and yelling that he was sorry and I was his favorite "grill" (girl) and begging for just one story. By the time I came into his room I was not angry. I was just trying not to laugh. He was still sobbing when I came in and he said:

"I'm sorry Mom. Don't be mad. You see that picture?" He asked, pointing to picture on his wall of me and him. "You were happy in that picture. Just be happy like that, ok? Can I have just one story?"

So of course, I read just one story.

The Wit of Children

It's no doubt, kids are silly. Robbie just gets sillier as he grows into his sense of humor. Every day we have at least twenty conversations that get me chuckling. Here are a few from the last 24 hours.


Robbie: Mom, where do porcupines live?
Me: In the forest.
Robbie: Where do birds live?
Me: In trees.
Robbie: Where do hearts live?
Me: In our bodies (I pat his chest to show him where)
Robbie: (looks at me for a moment while he decides if I'm serious, then rolls his eyes and laughs) You're crazy, mom.

- - - -

This conversation took place this morning while Robbie was in the bathroom and I was in the hall.

Robbie: Mom, I have good news and bad news.
Me: What's the good news?
Robbie: I'm going to Megan's house.
Me: Ok, what's the bad news?
Robbie: (toots) That's my bad news! (then laughs like a maniac)

- - - -

Me: Good morning!
Robbie: Why you had your hair cut?
Me: It was getting too shaggy and I wanted to change the color. Do you like my hair this way?
Robbie: No, I liked the old way. Can I go downstairs now?

- - - -

Robbie: Mom! Last night I went to a big basketball thing! And I threw the ball and it went UP UP UP UP! And then down down down and then BOOM, it went in. And everyone said "Yayyy Robbie!!!" It was coooooool!

Since I know he was just home with Toby while I got my hair done, I think this must have been his dream last night.

- - - -

Robbie: (walks up to me while I am sitting down and drops a bobby pin down the front of my shirt) I put it down your drain! It went down your DRAIIIIIIIN!" (more crazy laughter)